I have decided to write my memoirs! (Unfortunately for my readers who are also music lovers this may necessitate the postponement of my 2023-2025 violin recitals.)
I want my memoirs to be up to snuff and of a very high quality so the most stringent standards must apply. The criteria for my memoirs are as follows.
1: They must be short and easy to read. Most of my friends have short attention spans.
2: The book should have no sharp edges. Most of my friends read in bed and tend to nod off early and have tender skin.
3: It must contain enough lies to make it really exciting because most of my friends’ lives aren’t any more interesting than mine and why would I want to bore them to death?
With those criteria in mind I have chosen the following true-life experiences to expound upon in my memoirs.
The time I wet my pants on the Greyhound Bus.
The time I shaved the hair off my forearms.
The time I spent the night under a bush in
The time I left my four-year-old daughter at a rest stop.
The time I didn’t meet Willie Nelson (Yes, I’m still whining about that.)
The time I dropped the baby. (I’m not saying which one.)
The time I told that really cute guy I was only 35.
As you can see, it’s going to be very hard sorting out which of the momentous occasions in my life were the absolutely most momentous. But I’m working on it.