Monday, August 23, 2010

I Believe Roger Clemens

I believe Roger Clemens. I believe Roger because I heard him testify before Congress last year or whenever it was and he sounded so sincere!

As a total needle-coward myself I can understand perfectly and believe absolutely in the ability of a person to block out all needle experiences. It is my habit to go off in a mental La La land any time I am confronted with a needle..thus rendering my memory of it totally void.

Even if 12 good men (or women) and true decide that he is a total prick (is this a pun?) and has needle tracks a mile wide up both arms I believe Roger because I have always liked the game of baseball and because I want to believe him.

My belief in Roger stems from a devotion similar to that of the religious faithful who believe Franklin Graham when he says he “loves Muslims”… or the Republican faithful who were willing to believe Sen. Larry Craig when he explained to the world about his “naturally wide stance”… or the Clinton devotees who took the old “I did not have sex with that woman..” thing totally to heart.

Sometimes the truth, no matter how incredulous, is just easier to take if you truly BELIEVE.

And so I believe Roger Clemens. I hope they publish the address of his new and upcoming federally funded residence so I can send him goody bags of goat cheese and homemade fudge. He might need a friend when the muscle starts to drop off and his athletic body resumes its former ordinariness. He may feel quite vulnerable there with all those long-timers who have had nothing else to do but pump iron for the last few years.